It is a difficult thing to describe what we really want in life. An exercise at work recently gave me the idea that a lot of that is about focus. We spend a lot of time finding things that are wrong, and addressing them, rather than focusing on the things that are good/natural/right/fun. So naturally we spend more time thinking about these things, and so we have them better defined.

I also think there’s a bit of a guilt aspect to this, maybe it’s a midwestern thing, I doubt it, possibly an American or western thing, but to focus solely on things that bring you joy feels very irresponsible. We have lots and lots of things we “have” to do, whether we like them or not, which leave less time for focusing on what we want, if we’re to be responsible upstanding citizens. It’s great to go to a retreat or vacation and “get away” from the day to day for a bit, where you really can focus on making yourself happy, but it invariably also involves coming back home, back to reality, and all that comes with it.

I think that’s part of why certain hippies, homeless people, and artists tend to be such happy people, while so many executives of large companies tend towards the stressed out and unhappy side of life. The hippies and homeless people (some of them mind you) have prioritized in a way that makes their life a bit of a mess from a “responsible adult” point of view, but is very rewarding to them personally.

I think it comes down to prioritizing. Choosing to prioritize paying the mortgage and mowing the lawn is a choice like any other. My father doesn’t understand why I spend so much money working on my car when I really ought to replace my deck. My answer is that I care about my car, and not about my deck. So suck it, dad.

The exercise at work is called StregthsFinders. For stupid corporate HR BS, it was refreshing. They talk about focusing on the things that your employees do *really* well, are passionate about, or find rewarding, and ignoring or just minimizing their weaknesses, putting them in positions where they can really rock what they’re good at without worrying about the things they’re not so good at. While we don’t have any time to prioritize thinking about this concept in my office, our day-long meeting talking about and understanding it was a lot more interesting than it could have been.

On process vs. outcome? I’m not entirely sure what you mean by this, because process is dependent on outcome; the general process should be the same for the outcome, but you would focus on different aspects of the process. Say, you’re learning Japanese for example. Well, you should still use the same language principles (a la http://www.alljapaneseallthetime.com), but if you set a goal out to understand the news, then you would focus study and use examples on/of the news.

If I had to vote on process vs. outcome… I want to say process, but the knowing what you want the outcome to be is important as well (if for no other reason as a guide for the process). I have a feeling that with more thought it would become a nature vs. nurture type question where the answer lies somewhere in between.